Every woman has one. There is a friend you have who is a guy. Secretly he may wish you would just sit down together one day and tell him what you know, because you’re a woman and you know women, right? Because he has this other woman in his life he really likes. And because you are a true platonic friend, you want things to work out for him and this woman.
A collection of my own dating experiences as a single woman over the age of 40, the quotes of two female celebrities and the wisdom of some romantics I know, presented here is one list of 19 things he might wish you would tell him when you do sit down:
#1 Surprises. When you’re with her, from across the room, text her “I can’t take my eyes off of you.”
#2 It’s all in the details. Compliment her nose. Her knees. The cute cowlick on the crown of her head. Her hands. Your words have to be sincere but she will adore that you noticed something beautiful about her that most men don’t see.
#3 Take her away in your minds. Tell her how you would like to take her to the beach, with a bottle of wine, and measure your heartbeats to the rhythm of the waves, surging and ebbing.
#4 Flowers, the perennial favorite. Surprise her with wildflowers.
#5 There’s more than beauty to women. If she writes, read her work. And please don’t tell her you see a future for her at Hallmark cards.
#6 A movie moment. Look her in the eyes, and smile…from across the room.
#7 Second chances. Ask her for a do-over. (Even if you haven’t had a first rodeo yet.)
#8 How did Jimmy Kimmel end up dating the smart and beautiful Sarah Silverman? Humor goes a long way. Ditto with honesty.
#9 Courage, cowboys. Active listening is a must. And be a man, not a wimp. Own it.
#10 Wisdom from actor Maria Bello. “We’re afraid of commitment, too. You may think we spend our time scheming ways to trap you into marriage, but many of us are quite happy being independent and autonomous. Besides, we’re not in any rush to quit lusting after young Calvin Klein models.”
#11 Wisdom from actor Julie Delphy. “A serious scientific study has proven that women think 50 percent more than men, and 90 percent of that extra 50 percent is spent thinking about sex.”
#12 Love the one you’re with. If you’re crazy about her, make sure to tell her. All the doggone time!
#13 Sentimental stuff. And if you are truly crazy about her, give her a promise ring. (It worked in high school, right?) Inscribe it with the date of a memorable time you shared together.
#14 Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Man cave time is all right. But be sure to tell her you need some alone time. Of course do be sure to come back out of the cave. (See number 19 for more on the limit of the psychic powers of our gender.)
#15 Needs: if you show me yours, I’ll show you mine. Always ask yourself: whose needs are being met? Both of you deserve to (and must) have your needs met, for this rodeo to work.
#16 Avoid becoming a friend. This is very important. There’s a very thin line between a best friend and a guy who’s soon going to be a girl’s boyfriend. It’s very easy to end up becoming a good friend when you’re trying to win a girl’s heart if you don’t build the sexual chemistry with her. Always let her know that you like her and find her attractive for starters.
#17 We love talking about feelings. Well, most of us love just…talking. Almost all the time, as humans, what we say isn’t always what we mean. So instead of just using our imagination to decipher harsh words, accusations and sweet words, girls like talking about it. Have a warm conversation with a girl, and it’ll definitely bring her closer to you. After all, all girls think a great conversationalist is an excellent catch. Girls love socializing and talking to their friends for hours. And at times, a girl would also want to talk to her guy and spend a while talking about nothing in particular.
#18 Fair and square. In a relationship, we want the same rules to be applied to both partners. If you don’t like us talking to a particular guy or don’t want us to go out on a ladies night, the same rules should apply to you too. Don’t try to control us and on the other hand, do whatever you like. It’s unfair and we’d never be happy in a relationship that’s biased.
#19 Reading your mind. In “Waltzing the Cat” by Pam Houston, she writes, “Before Gordon I had always dated the strong silent types, I think so I could invent anything I wanted to go on in their heads.” It’s not pretty to admit, but it can be true of women. However, contrary to what men might believe, as intuitive as women can be, we can’t read your minds. So please tell your woman what’s on your mind.
One of the best stories of all time is the tale of Cyrano De Bergerac. This is a the classic story of a friend who is sure he won’t win the heart of his beloved, without a little help from his friend. But just making the decision you are going to read this article is telling. So put on your big boy cowboy boots and start an honest, maybe even funny, conversation with that woman in your life who is more than a friend to you.
“My heart always timidly hides itself behind my mind. I set out to bring down stars from the sky, then, for fear of ridicule, I stop and pick little flowers of eloquence.”
― Edmond Rostand, Cyrano De Bergerac
Sources: “23 Things Girls Wish Guys Knew About a Girl’s Mind” by Layla Quinn, “How to Woo a Girl and Make Her Fall for You” by Colin Andrews, “75 things you don’t know about women,” Esquire Magazine, esquire.com