One of the worst episodes in AGT history deserved one of the worst results shows to follow it.
First advancing into the semifinals were Innovative Force, who were brought out against Struck Boyz and Aquanuts.
Next called forward were Brad Byers, Kid the Wiz and Dave Shirley, because apparently the AGT crew hasn’t figured out that the audience can figure out when all three acts have been eliminated.
Next called forward were Marty Brown, Alexandr Megala, and Ciana Pelekai, of whom Nick Cannon confirmed that only one would be going through.
I must admit that I had to go back and double-check later to see who advanced out of this set. My mind froze, then temporarily shut down completely, after it occurred to me that the remaining three acts were the (unofficial) 3rd, 4th and 5th, and one of those three was Tone the Chiefrocca.
. . . . .
. . . . .
ARE YOU [expletive]ING KIDDING ME?!!!
Last night’s episode was not a talent show. It was an exercise in manipulation.
This was an experiment, by the AGT production, performed on the AGT audience, to see if it was humanly possible for them to take the biggest waste of time imaginable and manipulate their audience into voting for it.
And you bloody fell for it.
Sorry Mary Ellen, you’re still the worst act ever, because the only act in eight years of AGT that could have possibly taken that title away from you is now ineligible for inclusion thanks to this dumb-as-a-rock audience.
This is literally the travesty of all travesties. AGT will never recover from this. After four seasons and over a dozen attempts to get America to vote for one of these absolutely useless acts, Howie Mandel has finally been validated.
Any hopes anyone anywhere may have that his prioritization of crap — his parade of stupidity year after year — may eventually come to an end are now dead.
There is no hope. There is only more stupidity to come.
Compounding the outrage further, the victor of that third set was Marty Brown. Ciana Pelekai, only one of three acts that had actually been good the night before, somehow lost to Tone the Chiefrocca.
And that’s not just sour grapes on my part. Howard Stern said the exact same thing; also singled out Pelekai for praise while ridiculing Brown for constantly saying it didn’t matter that he goofed.
Even Marty Brown himself said that America screwed up with their vote.
Unsurprisingly, the final act automatically put forward into the semifinals was Forte, leaving Angela Hoover as the only thing standing between us and Howie Mandel’s ultimate wet dream: One of his crap pet projects in the semifinals.
Stretching the misery out even further, the judges were split again, with Mel B. and Stern voting in favor of Hoover, while the two judges who formerly shared a brain until one of them lost it voted for Tone the Chiefrocca.
By the way, of note, only Howie Mandel even remembered Tone the Chiefrocca’s name. The other three referred to him as “B-Double-O-T-Y.”
This once again left the decision to America. Mercifully, the fourth place finisher was Angela Hoover.
Still, this isn’t the last we’ve seen of Tone the Chiefrocca. As I said, Howie Mandel’s never-ending quest for crap has just been validated. It will not be the least bit surprising if we see all four of his crap pet projects in the wild card round this year.
Right before the judges made their pick, the next twelve acts for Week 3 were revealed.
And you know what? Screw it. Since the AGT audience has just revealed itself to be as stupid as the AGT judges are renowned for being, I’m done trying to speculate who the audience will or will not vote for.
These are, first and foremost, my personal picks, from most deserving of advancing to the least:
- American Military Spouses Choir
- Deanna DellaCioppa
- Jonathan Allen
- Kenichi Ebina
- Brandon & Savannah
- AeroSphere Aerial Balloon Show
- Chicaco Boyz Acrobatic Team
- Jim Meskimen
- Mitsi School of Dance
- Kelsey & Bailey
- Illusionist Leon Etienne & Romy Low
- Dave the Cobra Kid