The two-hour premiere of The Bachelorette 2013 aired on May 27, and if you missed a moment of Desiree Hartsock and her 25 suitors spending their first (and in several cases, only) night together, we’re got a full recap for you right here!
Find out who made an impression, either for the right or wrong reasons, who received the first roses of the season and who went home immediately here now.
Want the latest Bachelorette Season 9 spoilers? Click here!
Bachelorette 2013 Premiere Recap: Desiree Hartsock Meets Her Men
After Des was let into the mansion and handed the keys to a Tiffany-blue Bentley that she could call hers for the duration of filming, viewers were treated to the obligatory “meet your Bachelorette” montage (which featured such classics as roller-skating at the beach, trying on silly hats and shades and lots of shiny hair-tossing).
Soon, the night Desiree has been waiting for arrives: it’s time to meet her bachelors – all 25 of them! Des looked gorgeous, draped in a glittering silver gown that sparkled so much it was actually almost distracting; really, it was like she was wearing a disco ball dipped in liquid mercury. But she looked radiant, waiting for her suitors to introduce themselves.
The men were quite the wide-ranging cross-section of the American male population: a doctor, a few lawyers, a drilling fluid engineer (whatever that is), a tailor/magician (again, whatever that is) and a knight in a full suit of gleaming armor. Yes, you read that correctly; short-lived suitor Diogo showed up in an actual suit of armor, and offered no explanation of his attire whatsoever when he first met Des. Shockingly, Diogo did not receive a rose on The Bachelorette 2013 premiere.
Neither did Larry, who failed in his attempts to sweep Des off her feet with a sultry dance lesson. Des got caught in her dress, almost falling, and the whole thing was a disaster; when Larry had a chance to make up for their awkward intro with some conversation, the ER doctor fell flat again.
Bachelorette 2013 Premiere Recap: Jonathan Gets Creepy, Des Gets Rid of Him!
But nothing, not even Zak showing up topless right out of the limo (and ending up in his underwear at one point in the evening), could top Jonathan’s creep-factor. Right out of the limo, Jonathan presented Des a mock fantasy suite card which informed her that should she choose to “forgo the other men”, she could proceed directly to the fantasy suite with him. He even enclosed a room key. What could have been a semi-clever joke (especially if he had indicated he was kidding, or worded things differently) turned awkward when Desiree reminded him that she’s not that kind of girl.
Later, things turned downright uncomfortable as Jonathan repeatedly tried to lure our Bachelorette into a dark room alone with him so he could, and we quote, “Kiss her on the mouth.” On his third, super-creepy (maybe just super-drunk) attempt at premature fantasy suite action, Desiree asked him to leave. “You’re making me feel very uncomfortable. Actually, I don’t even want to wait for the rose ceremony. I’m going to go ahead and ask you to leave.”
Before he goes, Jonathan leaves us with these puzzling (and again, creepy) parting words to remember him by: “My love tank has not been depleted for years…We’re looking at, like, a very large love tank.” Huh?
Out of the several guys (at least two or three) who didn’t make complete fools of themselves upon meeting Bachelorette Season 9 darling Desiree Hartsock, Ben seemed the sweetest. He probably gained an unfair advantage, though, when he sent his ridiculously adorable son Brody out of the limo first, wearing an even more ridiculously adorable suit and bearing a flower in one hand for Des. Rumor has it Ben turns dirt-bag later this season, which seems so unfortunate considering how precious his son is.
Though the latest Bachelorette spoilers indicate Des develops quite a thing for Brooks, there wasn’t tons of chemistry between them on the Bachelorette 2013 premiere on Monday night (May 27), though he did get a rose. Guys who left the mansion without a rose at the end of the Season 9 premiere include previously-mentioned Jonathan, Larry and Diogo, as well as dental technician Mike R., tailor/magician Nick R., and Micah, the guy who made that awful suit all by himself.
Find out more about Bachelorette Season 9 sweetheart Desiree Hartsock in the video above, and stay tuned to ABC for more drama all summer long.