Angelina Jolie needs to communicate with her father. She needs to realize that it takes two to destroy a marriage. And I know she sees her mother as the only victim, as I did with my mom, but the victim plays a part too or the controlling person would have no one to control. She needs to talk with him, get her feelings out, hear his point of view, ask for a real apology, get it resolved, then forgive him and let go so that she can emotionally move forward in her life.
Beyonce needs to do the same thing. Instead of avoiding her father, she needs to confront him. And maybe she has. And maybe, without knowing it, she followed my “4 Steps of Healthy Communication.” If she communicated how she felt, what she wanted, asked him for a promise (commitment) that he wouldn’t give her, and then issued the ultimatum “If not, I won’t come to your wedding,” then she did the healthy thing. Most people instead would just punish him by not going to the wedding, then avoid him and write him off instead of saying all that is on their mind. First of all it is not fair to the other person, and secondly, if you do avoid dealing with the situation, you will never get resolution.
Though Jennifer Anniston has supposedly tried many times to work things through with her mother, I wonder if she has communicated clearly and set definite boundaries (with consequences) with her not only about talking to the media, but about criticism. With boundaries about what is and isn’t okay in this situation, she might even be able to invite her mother to the wedding.
And even though Demi Lovato’s dad has passed, she can still follow the process, writing out her feelings and what she wanted from him, so she can get closure.
Obviously there are worse things — that chasing love and approval can cause — than trying to become a celebrity. The low self-esteem it causes can make us chase bad men (or women), stay stuck in jobs we hate, and not move past who we were as children to become who we want to be in our adult lives.
Celebrities may have a greater incidence of low self-esteem caused by having unresolved issues with their parents, but it is also an issue for most of us. Is need for love and approval driving your life?
See related articles “Celebrities with Parental Issues,” and “Resolving Parental Issues.”
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