I write a lot about the hypocrisy that affects the LGBTQ community in my books. But I, like many of us, am often reluctant to look in the mirror and find my own faults and failings. As the battle for equality continues to rage on (it’s getting exciting, isn’t it?) and more and more voices join the fight, I feel compelled to suggest we do some… reflection… followed by some… housekeeping. The list is long, so we’ll take one topic at a time. Please feel free to weigh in.
Gay and lesbian parents (and our straight allies) demand equality while quietly praying that their children turn out to be straight (or at the very least, passable).
I have to admit to being guilty of this. I have, on more than one occasion called ‘dibs!’ on the handsome sons of my friends, on behalf of our beautiful only daughter; and wondered what amazing woman is going to be able to put up with our (too darn handsome, and really quite sweet) son’s incessant complaining and intellectual sloth, long enough to turn him around… all in the name of bragging rights and gorgeous, smart (way, way) future grandchildren. I’ve done it with the same exuberance that I chastise my straight male friends for being frustrated, disappointed or just plain angry, that their own sons might be gay. And I know more than one of my LGBT friends has celebrated and breathed a sigh of relief upon their sons choosing wives and daughters choosing husbands! I preach love, inclusion and tolerance daily, but have yet to (really sit down and) tell my babies that they are ABSO-BLOODY-LUTELY free to love according to their true hearts’ desires.
How dare we?
Haven’t we long-since established that gender identity and sexual preference are not choices? Don’t we believe the Pride banners touting our own right to freely exist without cures, correction or discrimination? If we truly believe that IT’S NOT A LIFESTYLE CHOICE! mustn’t we also defend the truth that these social variances are not BIRTH DEFECTS? Aren’t we fighting for a world where OUR CHILDREN don’t have to feel ‘less than’, regardless of what makes them different; or do those rules only apply to us? If our children are indeed the heirs to A BRAND NEW WORLD, why then do we presume that their presentation, whatever that may be, is any less DIVINE than that which we’ve accepted for ourselves? Yes, I get it, ‘life is just easier if you’re straight’…
Wait. Did that sound as ridiculous out loud as it did in my head? Life, if you’re living it, isn’t meant to be easy. Life is a journey; everyone’s journey is meant to be UNIQUE, and, if you BELIEVE… BLESSED. It’s our responsibility to spread that truth, not our own (increasing, however still narrow) understanding of assimilation and self-preservation. Let’s focus on the work, and leave ‘who to love’ and ‘what to wear’ out of our prayers, family bylaws and secret wish lists.