My problem is with my boyfriend’s ex. Even though me and my boyfriend have been together for two years, she still comes around his parents house and call him when she has problems. His parents adored her, and will never like me though she is fake with them and treated their son badly. I’m just myself (no masks), and treat their son great.
When the ex comes over to talk to his parents and he’s there alone or we’re there together, he never talks to her. He’s even told her to stop coming by, but she says I’m coming for them, not you. When she calls him he politely tells her “I can’t help you” but she keeps doing it anyway, even after two years.
It’s not frequently or anything, but it till bothers me and I really wish she’d stop. She has her own boyfriend who she claims she is marrying to turn to for help. My boyfriend has told her she can’t call and stuff, but supposedly she tried to commit suicide a couple of times, so he doesn’t want to be mean to her. It’s like she’s crying wolf to still get his sympathy and attention because he weas always there for her and her problems when they dated.
But now he’s there for me, and shouldn’t be the one she tries to turn to. what should I do? I’ve never said anything to her and I’m not the type who would. What is her problem though?
Wish She’d Die or Something
Sorry, I couldn’t help but laugh at your letter signature. I can sympathize with your frustration about this situation and some cow that just won’t let go and move on.
However, there are other people around you that have full control over this situation – primarily your boyfriend.
Admittedly, he cannot stop her from coming by or calling his parents, because that is their phone and their home, and if they REALLY want her around, its a wrap. However, he CAN talk to them about it, and he CAN be mean to her. She is a manipulative little so and so, and I’ve seen this type of behavior by hundreds of women that want to be messy and do things to ruin their ex-husband’s or ex-boyfriend’s new relationship.
All your boyfriend has to do is the following:
- Next time she calls tell her he won’t be taking any more of her calls ever. That they are through and to move on with her life.
- Remind her that though she threatened suicide before and he felt guilty, he is not going to be controlled by her threats any longer. He needs to make sure she knows that the gig is up and he no longer is under her spell.
- Immediately change his phone number, instructing his parents not to give it to her. Let them know if they DO give it to her, he will change it again and the next time they won’t get it either.
- Sit down with his parents and tell them how much their behavior towards this girl is hurting him and his future. That he wants the past to stay in the past, and he can’t do it with them siding with the enemy. He needs to explain to them that he wants very much to create new memories and a new future for himself, and he needs them to tell her not to come around anymore to visit because it is inappropriate and hurtful to him. He needs to do what he can to get them to see that if they are not on his side in this, they are against him.
This girl is trying to make your boyfriend feel responsible for her decisions and her life, and unfortunately he fell for it. People don’t “try” to commit suicide. If they really want to die, their “attempt” is one where there is no coming back.
However, people who just want attention, who are crying for help, or who are trying to manipulate and control other people are the ones that “try” suicide over and over again. They have no intention of harming themselves in a serious manner! Their goal is to stir excitement and concern for themselves with staged, dramatic scripts that get people fussing over them and paying them tons of attention.
Once this girl understands that it’s really over and that your boyfriend truly doesn’t care about her or what she does, she will stop with this ignorance because she won’t be getting the ego boost and reward she seeks – his attention. Whether positive or negative, she is desperate for his attention.
You can show him this response if you think it would help.