When we choose to break up with someone, it’s our choice, and there’s a feeling of control. It’s happening at our time and pace. But when someone we care about breaks up with us, leaves us, divorces us, or dies, it’s a whole different thing. There’s a huge sense of grief and loss, of emotional pain.
Grief and Loss Involve a Complex of Emotions
When we lose someone, all kinds of feelings rise and fall, one after the other. Some of them may seem unacceptable or weak or too uncomfortable, and we push them off or shove them down to try to go on with our day to day lives. We don’t want to feel the emotional pain. It’s important to note, though, that all of these emotions are still there, waiting under the surface. They haven’t disappeared; they’re just running in the background, draining our energy. Possibly, some of the cause of depression and extreme fatigue is due to these emotions of grief and loss running in the background out of our awareness, creating stress in the nervous system.
Feel Your Emotions
Emotions just happen, naturally, and grief is a natural process that starts with one layer of emotion and moves through layer upon layer, until we’re left with a sense of peace. It’s not that we’ll forget the loved one, but we’ll have some peace about them being gone. Rather than trying to repress emotional pain, allowing ourselves to feel what arises helps the process to move through rather than getting stuck for years inside us. One way to help the grief and loss process to move through is with a method called EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). Using EFT Tapping, you can acknowledge each emotion as it appears, really feel it and then feel it flowing out. EFT creates a fluid grieving process that helps you get to a sense of peace more quickly.
Layers of Grief and Loss
One of the main layers of the grief process is a feeling of helplessness or powerlessness. This is a scary feeling for many people. It feels unsafe not to have control, and when someone leaves or dies, we can’t have control. So the first emotion to use EFT Tapping on is often to accept that feeling of helplessness and lack of control.
Another emotion may be relief. In the case of a breakup, sometimes the other person chose the time to leave, but we may have also been unhappy in the relationship to some extent. But we didn’t want to admit it to ourselves, or we were too afraid of being alone so we stayed in the relationship. When someone close to us dies, if they’ve suffered a lot or were ready to die, there might be a sense of relief that we don’t want to admit. This, too, is a layer than can be acknowledged and accepted.
Another layer can be a huge agonizing sadness that feels like it will last forever and tear us apart if we let it in. Not opening ourselves to feeling this huge sadness can keep it stuck inside of us, sometimes even causing physical pain and illness. Paradoxically, actually feeling that sadness helps it to soften.
EFT Heals Grief and Loss
Loss is a shock to our system in many ways, causing layers of emotional pain. It’s easy to be so overwhelmed that we don’t allow ourselves to actually feel what’s happening inside us, which can lead to getting stuck in one or another of the emotions that are part of the natural grieving process. EFT is an effective and gentle way to move through the various layers of emotional pain involved in grief. For more information, see EFT-emotionalfreedom.com .