To some, romantic love is a never-never land—a place of unfulfilled dreams. Sometimes, a parent chooses not to explore fulfilling their own needs in order to protect someone else.
Physical needs, emotional needs, even financial needs.
Patricia, a San Diego County resident who asked that her last name not be published, is a single mom. She does not date or bring a romantic partner into her life for a reason—to protect her now teen-age daughter from being hurt—emotionally, physically, or any other way.
“I decided not to date when she was two or three and to focus on raising her,” said Patricia. As a mom, Patricia learned first-hand about having to protect her daughter from a man who was a well known pedophile.
Still, the clock is “on”, since the older a woman becomes, the more choices for spouses may seem to fade away. It can become harder and harder to find a suitable mate in what would, hopefully, be an emotional, physical, and financially equal partnership. Equal baggage. Understood and accepted baggage.
Patricia’s minor daughter (who is almost 16 now) is an actress who appeared on a nationally broadcast television show when she was much younger.
The trouble started when people in the television industry started to tip her off about vulgar postings regarding her young, minor daughter. So Patricia started to check into the tips. What she found “startled” her, she said: postings on a website describing animalistic behavior towards her biological child.
According to Patricia, the pedophile had a website with followers–and was known to law enforcement. National media even knew about him. Patricia reported him. She started dealing with the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children organization and found that the predator already had restraining orders against him elsewhere.
Patricia became “hyper alert” in protecting her daughter. “I was super alert and sensitive even in public about protecting her.”
Allegedly, she stated, the pedophile eventually moved to Canada. She no longer follows where he might be living or operating now.
What Patricia experienced was on the heavier side of protecting her child. Dating, attempting to find romantic love, became even more out of the question.
While she attributes talk shows for helping to educate viewers on what can happen, she also states that it is not just convicted pedophiles that can harm your child.
Even seemingly “nice guys” may turn out to be pedophiles. “Boys’ soccer coaches…the Sandusky experience…all helped to reconfirm my decision not to date,” Patricia lamented.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger, now a radio host on Sirius XM, has long been known to advise parents to not date until their children are 18. While this may work for parents with low/or no physical needs and requires Herculean measures to achieve, it can be viewed as the ultimate sacrifice from a parent.
Hard times —Patricia is already there. Some would say she deserves a super Mother’s Day this May 12th.