Summer is often a time filled with weddings; with couples vowing to share their lives before family, friends and God. In reality many of these marriages will end in divorce. Though the divorce rate has dropped some since the 5o% rate of the 80s, it’s still approximately 40%. In the article, Divorce rates in 2013, top reasons cited for divorce include lack of commitment, too much arguing and infidelity.
A root common to all of these reasons is communication—an inability to communicate accurately and/or thoroughly either based in fear of rejection, trying to please and avoid confrontation or just ignorance in what they truly want and need. There’s been much discussion on the different ways men and women see and interact with each other. Reasons may be biology or culture, nature or nurture or a mixture , but certainly there’s some truth that men and women approach interpersonal communication, not to mention relationships, differently. A humorous spoof highlight just this is “It’s Not About the Nail.”
It’s important before heading down the aisle to say “I do” to know what it means to say “I am.” Yoga can be the tool needed to get down to the core, authentic self. Five kleshas are said to be the cause of all suffering and pain. The number one klesha, the base from which the rest build on, is avidya or ignorance/lack of awareness. Avidya shouldn’t be confused with a lack of knowledge though. It’s delusion, a fundamental lack of reality. Patanjali’s sutra 2.5 defines avidya: “Avidya is to mistake the impermanent for the eternal, the impure for the pure, sorrow for happiness, and the not-Self for the true Self.”
How, then, can one overcome avidya? Sally Kempton contributed an article to Yoga Journal on avidya and ways to ‘lift the veil’ of ignorance and reveal–or perhaps discover– who you really are.
Turning back to weddings: Marriage doesn’t and shouldn’t be the end to individuality. An article on GrowingAware.com discusses aspects of dysfunctional relationships and what constitutes The Grown-Up Relationship where both partners are invested in preserving and enhancing their union while maintaining a strong sense of their own individuality.
Avoiding an unhappy marriage and/or divorce is more than saving money on lawyer fees. A happy marriage will actually keep you healthier over the long term. In the event of ‘in sickness” married individuals recover better. Dr Manny Alvarez shares other health benefits of marriage with the bottom line being marriage benefits society.
Marriage can be life-enhancing, but shouldn’t be entered into lightly. Let yoga help you to be the best You for you. When you utter your vows be confident that what you bring to the union will sustain it for years to come.