Last weekend, Dwyane Wade made a surprise stop at a young girl’s prom. She had previously proposed on the internet that he go to prom with her and assumed that it had gone unheard, but guess what? He showed up! This kind of thing didn’t happen a decade ago. Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Simba from the Lion King did not become my boyfriend, and Jodie Sweetin did not move to Wisconsin to be my best friend. I did, however, receive autographed photos of them. WIN! For people who grew up when AIM was popular and cassettes were becoming CDs, you had to write an old-fashioned fan letter to your celebrity crush; however, these days the benefits of technology increases your chance for a response… or at least some attention, a few laughs, and an opportunity to get over your childhood crushes.
How to get a celebrity to come to an event with you:
1) If you’re older than high school, you probably won’t get a response from a celebrity unless you’re in the middle of pulling a “Never Been Kissed/I’m pretending to be a high school student” thing. Teens in the throes of their Junior or Senior year of high school can be ballsy in their journey to graduation, but they are also significantly less threatening and have less of a chance of being a stalker, killer, scary, killer, stalker. If a celebrity wanted a stalker/killer, they’d place an ad on Craigslist. (Low blow? I think not…)
2) Pick a celebrity who isn’t too famous. Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp most def will not be responding to your plea. Go for a sports star or Kate Upton.
3) Watch videos of people who actually received responses from celebrities to see if you have the same charisma they do. If you don’t have charisma, then you might come off as creepy or desperate.
4) Set your request free in cyberspace. If it comes back to you (you hear a response), it was meant to be. If it doesn’t come back, then it wasn’t meant to be. And that’s okay.
What to do when they don’t show up or respond to you at all:
1) Cry for approximately 35 minutes.
2) Gently take their posters off your wall (you’ll forgive them eventually, I promise).
3) Choose one poster to throw darts at.
4) Do not, I repeat, do not act crazy. It was never going to happen anyway.
5) Find your new celebrity crush for adulthood and come to terms with the fact that best friends and love interests are found in real life.
6) You cannot have my best friend crushes: Jennifer Lawrence, Amy Poehler, Mindy Kaling, Lena Dunham or Liz Meriwether. (Although it hurts my heart, I graciously left you Tina Fey.)
The moral of the story: Make wholesome and exuberant videos and put them on the internet. It’s the new way to be creative and fun and you never know who’s watching.