So, you meet a guy you believe you really dig. You get the impression he really digs you. Shoot, you may be contemplating if he is the one.
But how do you know a good catch from a player?
There are signs and I am here to share some pointers with you to make sure you know the real deal from the fake.
For starters, men categorize women they pursue in the following way.
You’re his future wife, his next nut or next curve ( dismiss).
Just because a man is paying attention to you, it doesn’t mean he has good intentions.
He might be really smart, super good looking and charming but that’s not the only things you need to keep in mind. You need to identify whether he is a player.
Straight out of high school, I dated a player. He was more than 4 years older than me with a college degree and job. I looked up to him because I thought I had the same dreams as him.
I wonder why this guy that seem to have everything together was interested in me.
I was a naive girl.
He promised me many things…including being in a serious relationship.
But he lied ( most men do lie). He wasn’t ready for a big commitment like that and the years I wasted with him didn’t change that. In 2013, he feels the same way about relationships…nothing he wants to put his two feet fully in for a commitment.
Luckily, I wised up and I am no longer seeing him. I freely chose to stop seeing him.
It’s not that he is a bad guy( I am sure he makes a great friend for someone). I just have different things in mind for what I want out of life. I’m interested in having a honest, loving and fun relationship with someone. I’m not looking for someone to just fool around with. And I won’t lower my morale to make it easier for someone not on that level to take up my precious time.
The just fooling around type of guy is not my type.
I always had my guard up in that relationship because it lacked trust.
So how do you tell the difference between a guy that wants to be exclusive with you to one that wants to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, with whomever he wants?
Here are my tips on spotting a player:
1. He is a sweet talker. A guy that loves to flirt with anything moving is usually very manipulative. He will hone in on your insecurities and use it to draw you in enough to get in your pants. He will find out about your hobbies, your life goals and pretend to be so into what you do and what you dream to do. If you notice his friends mentioning how he does that to other girls, believe them the first time.
2. Trust your gut instinct. If you always feel his actions are shady and he can’t be trusted, there’s a good chance your gut is telling you the truth. Unless you have a pattern of bad relationships, the gut doesn’t lie. If a guy pops in and out your life or intentionally starts arguments, he is up to no good.
3. If he does everything in his power to prevent you from mingling with his friends, he can’t be trusted. Players do that in fear their friends will tell you something he doesn’t want you to know. If you’re not the only one trying to be the only one…the friends know. If they live with him, they know exactly who he has sex with when you’re not around. Always practice safe sex. You might be dating a whore. The sure test is to ask him can you meet his friends. If he gets nervous about that, it’s time for you to stop dating him.
4. His f*ck buddies warn you about him. In this day and age where everyone is on social media, the one night stands and exes of dudes pop up like nobody’s business. If he is still interacting with them, there’s a good chance he is still f*cking them. No man serious about a woman would keep his past close to his new relationship or even stay connected with his past. He will want the relationship he has in the now to work. That means dropping hoes. If he doesn’t want to drop hoes for you, he is playing you and them.
5. The phone is always blowing up and it’s not his homeboys. Taking private calls or ignoring texts/ phone calls while he is spending time with you is a sign of other girls keeping in touch while you’re seeing him.
6. He doesn’t give a f*ck about your feelings. Anytime he does something bad to you and doesn’t apologize or make up for it, know he truly doesn’t give a hoot about you. He is so full of himself that he can’t see how his actions affect you. If you have a dude like this, he isn’t going to stop being selfish over night. It’s time to let go.
Remember ladies a dude that really wants to be with you will make time for you no matter how busy his schedule may be. He will also do more than just jump your bones.
Bottom line: He respects and cares for you no matter what’s going on in his life. Don’t sell yourself short. A real man will never put you in a position where you have to disrespect yourself to keep him.
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