It may or may not have been a spontaneous breakup, and there may or may not have been a good reason why you both did. But it’s been months later and your thoughts often wander to him and you wonder, does he miss you too?
It’s completely normal to have feelings for an ex-boyfriend. Many of us seek the company and attention from others and when you’re feeling particularly lonely, it’s natural to revert back to the ‘good ole times’ you had with your ex. But where are these feelings stemming from? Were you caught off guard with the breakup and haven’t been able to reconcile the decision? Do you find yourself with a lot of free time or have become the typical 3rd wheel? Or is it when he moved on to somebody else when you realized you made a mistake? As frustrating as it sounds, there’s no quick fix to your post breakup woes, and often the best medicine is to give yourself time to heal. However, if over time you experience intensifying feelings for your ex, is it worth acting on?
First, re-evaluate the breakup. Are the reasons you broke up valid today? Maybe he goofed off a lot but you now realize you want somebody that makes you laugh. Or you thought he was a total slacker and he now has solid grades and a job. On the other hand, if the reason you broke up was because he cheated on you or was in any way abusive or disrespectful, think long and hard before rekindling anything with your ex because hate to say it–old habits die hard.
Second, get outside perspective. Seek guidance from friends or family. It’s amazing how blinded a person can be when drowned in love, so some candid advice might open your eyes to how things really appear. You don’t necessarily have to follow their recommendations but by no means ignore it. These people have held your hand throughout the breakup and may harbor a lot of hard feelings towards your ex, so for them to tell you to get a grip or give you the green light is impossible not to take into account.
Third, make a decision and stick to it! Think of it like a band aid–either it’s sticking or coming off, and if you’re peeling it off, make it quick! If you decide to turn your back on the idea of getting back together, then close the door and lock it with a key. The easiest way to rid of old feelings is to accept it as a bad idea and continually remind yourself why. Keep yourself busy with friends and hobbies, and open your mind to new opportunities. But if you decide to go full throttle and follow your gut, then the more power to you. The reconciling process might be awkward and difficult to say the least, but if you both are on board then a second time around might turn out to be just the thing you were hoping for.