Are you familiar with the esteemed healing goddess force of nature known as Dr. Carmen Harra? Dr. Carmen is a certified relationship coach, intuitive psychologist and bestselling author. Her most recent Hay House book is entitled “Wholeliness: Embracing the Sacred Unity That Heals Our World. ”
Dr. Carmen is all about love as a spiritual practice and taking our relationships to another level. She also teaches that there’s a difference between life partners and soulmates. I wanted to interview Dr. Carmen because she is an expert in how to love in the energy of the highest good.
Abiola: What is the secret to perfect relationships? I’ve heard you talk about triggers as well…
Carmen: There are some things within ourselves, the way the mind is programmed, and if you know to reprogram the mind it goes back to the same thing. I mean everything; relationships, action, success. Everything goes back to the same thing.
So you switch your tendency to judge into forgiveness. You say, “I’m angry with my husband because he came late and I don’t know where he was or he claimed he was at work and he didn’t pick up the phone.” You switch, “I’m blaming and judging him” into “I may forgive him. I may look deeper into that. I wanna see whether that’s a pattern of behavior.” I always advise women to let go of the judging part and stay more into having empathy and forgiveness and ask, “how can I reconnect with my husband?”
For instance, people go on for 10 years and one day when they wake up their husband is cheating. But didn’t you ask all those 10 years what had happened that you never paid attention. You totally disconnected and then the relationship became weaker and weaker. You didn’t have time for each other because you were busy doing other things or raising the kids or building your own career and you completely forgot about the relationship. It’s very common. And then you go and blame him, that he’s the bad guy, but what have you done to stop this process of deterioration?
Abiola: It takes two.
Carmen: Exactly! So that’s why always whenever you tend to go and judge, before you do that go revisit. Go re-analyze and switch that tendency from the judging and blaming into the “let me forgive, let me analyze, let me give him another chance.” And again, the secret is there are no secrets. Everything is actually in the open light and available for everybody. Everything is simpler and easier than we think and it all comes down to the emotional connection.
If you keep your emotional connection with the man in your life or the people you love into your life at the high level of speed of energy, you will always be okay — even 30, 40, 50 years later. That’s actually the big secret.
It’s not so difficult to be done. You just have to dedicate 5 minutes of your every single day to check on that relationship and make sure that your emotions are in place and his emotions are in place and that the connection happens by saying once a day, “I love you. I miss you. It’s so good to see you home. When are you coming, my love?” instead of saying, “What have you done to me?” or “You’re cheating on me” or “Why are you looking at the waitress when we go to the restaurant?” That’s what people do and they’re not aware of it.
Abiola: Do you agree with the Imago theory of love? Dr. Harville Hendrix teaches that any criticism at all is an act of violence and that you need to have a criticism-free relationship. Is that possible?
Carmen: I really believe that whenever you criticize and you become judging you release a negative vibration. So I don’t believe in criticism. As much as it’s impossible not to notice the wrongdoings of other people and not to tend to criticize, it’s like human nature. You go and criticize because that’s part of human nature. But in reality, anytime you tend to do this and you take a step back and you say “Well nobody is without a fault and why should I criticize somebody I should better criticize myself.” Instead of going and putting that on someone else it’s almost like you’re releasing some of your own frustration into another person. So people who tend to criticize every single day, everything that moves they criticize, they’re never happy with anything.
You know happiness is actually a state of mind. You don’t need anything to be happy. You can be happy because you look at a flower. You can be happy because you’re alive and you’re grateful that you can breathe the air. It’s so simple. We overcomplicate things in life. We detach from the whole idea of unity and happiness and oneness and wholiness.
My book is about oneness and how to bring the world as one. For thousands of years, from the beginning of the world God said, “Go into this world and create unity. Bring the pieces of the puzzle together to create one world.” That’s our mission that God gave us as humans; the mission to put the world together. And for thousands of years we haven’t yet put the world together we’re still trying very hard.
Abiola: We’re still working on it.
Carmen: Because we have to put ourselves together. So when we inside of ourselves internally we are together with us and we know where we’re going and we have that state of mind of saying, “All of life comes with peace, joy and glory.” If we say that we can win everything in a second. We can be part of the process of healing the world. We want a world that is entire, a world that is complete, a world that is not hurt.
Passionate Living Coach Abiola Abrams seeks to empower women in all aspects of LOVE: romantic love and relationships, self love and self worth, body love and acceptance. Visit her at her award-winning lifestyle advice blog and web series, The Passionista Playbook at http://AbiolaTV.com. Ask Abiola anything at @AbiolaTV on Twitter and Facebook.