Human beings are complex creatures and how we express our sexuality illustrates this more than any of our behaviors. Researchers in human sexual behavior think they have it all figured out. However; there are aspects of sexuality that science hasn’t quite caught up with yet. This article does not claim to be scientific. Science is but one explanation of phenomena. This article is based on talking and listening to people who were willing to be honest about their sexuality.
Not surprisingly, the first level of sexuality is basic physical. The sensation that people refer to as “horny”. When people are expressing their sexuality at this level, they are willing to have sex with just about anyone who will have them. They might consider appearance or weight as factors but not always. The urge to have sex is strong and pervasive and demands satisfaction.
Fortunately, not too many people operate strictly at this level. But the difference is subtle. Cultural and societal expectations start to play a part. People who really just want physical sex and nothing more, learn to pretend or act as if they are better than the other animals. People who are living their sex lives at this level are frequently seen at “pick up” bars, giving and receiving cheesy “pick-up” lines. If both people are functioning at this level, their typically isn’t any harm done. Just two consenting adult animals having sex.
A level up from this is physical sex with emotional connection. Most of the people who were willing to talk, claim to live their sex lives at this level. They feel compassion, trust, passion, respect and other emotions that constitute love. Most of them reflect this even in their language; saying that they “make love” rather than “have sex”. While making love, they feel the give and take of emotions with each other that they do not share with anyone else. Most of these people state that the physical pleasure is intensified when love is present. An interesting phenomena of non-partnered people at this level, is that they do not have sex. They choose to masturbate to satisfy their basic needs until such time as they are in a love relationship.
The next level of human sexuality tends to baffle sex scientists. This is an energy level of sex that exists between partners who cannot be together physically. For example, there are couples who cannot engage in sexual intercourse for medical reasons, yet they have mutually satisfying sex lives. They have an ability to express their sexuality even deeper than emotional. And when asked to explain, they just smile and say that they can’t explain it. Another even more intriguing example, are couples who are in long distance relationships and maintain happy sex lives. They send each other loving sexual energy in a variety of ways: Skype, texts, chats, pictures and positive thoughts. Yes, positive thoughts! One man said he can feel when his partner is thinking about him…on the other side of the globe. As part of their high energy sexuality, they masturbate together on a regular basis. And when they are able to physically be together, the sex is like the best fireworks ever!
These levels are not set in stone. In fact, they are somewhat fluid. But if we are honest with ourselves, we will see patterns in our sex behavior emerging. There are also some people who simply are not interested in sex or don’t even like it. While this can be baffling to those of us who do like it, this needs to be respected and accepted. If you keep an open mind and heart and are willing to explore deeper aspects of your sexuality than the purely physical, you will be delighted by an awesome sex life.