Anthony Wiener, former member of Congress from New York and current candidate for mayor of New York City, has admitted once again that he engaged in sexting AFTER he resigned from Congress and apologized for his sins to his wife and to the public at large some two years ago. And here we go again—Mr. Wiener publicly admits his sins of infidelity and right there, standing by her man, is his wife. Why on Earth would she do so? She would definitely be the exception to the overwhelming majority of women whose husbands cheated.
The only conclusion that can be drawn from our three-decades of research on successful marriage on all seven continents of the world is that infidelity in a marriage or relationship is rarely forgiven—infidelity is, for the most part, an unpardonable act. Anthony Wiener continued his sexting actions for months after he resigned and apologized publicly for similar actions with other women. His sexting of photos of his private parts and lewd verbiage with young women again is a violation of the marriage trust and a gross act of infidelity. He openly and publicly left his wife in the untenable position of being totally humiliated publicly.
Believe it or not, there are liars and cheats amongst us who believe that infidelity is forgivable and excusable. Some who have written us even said it was “normal,” “encouraged” and “acceptable” in some parts of the world. What rational person believes that Anthony Weiner could engage in infidelity over and over again, ask forgiveness and everything would be just fine?
To those who believe that cheating on your spouse—engaging in acts of infidelity with the one you purport to love more than life itself—doesn’t matter (such as Anthony Weiner’s sexting), well, we have several questions for you.
Do you have someone in your life that you trust completely and unequivocally? Do you have a friend who trusts you back just the same? Is there someone in your life that you would lay down your life for? Is there someone in your life that would do the same for you?
If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, then ask yourself this one final question—if either my trustworthy friend or I violated the aforementioned trust before us, would I still say that infidelity is okay? If you say “yes” then you are a person without principle—a person someone else cannot trust. Tell us infidelity doesn’t matter!
Let’s take a further look at this notion by asking the following additional questions that we think will prove our point. Here goes.
Ask yourself this question, “Do I have a best friend?” If the answer is “Yes” ask yourself this second question, “Would I ever betray my friend and consider such action an acceptable act?”
Or what about this? Have you ever completed a deal with a handshake, made a promise to someone you intended to keep, entered into a contract that you were morally and legally bound to uphold?
We would offer the following—if your answer is “yes” to any of the questions we have asked, then we ask you this—why is a marriage you have entered into not worthy of the same consideration? Why would you tell someone you love them, make promises to them, enter into a contract with them, and then betray them by engaging in infidelity?
The bottom line is this—a person who believes that lying, cheating, and engaging in acts of infidelity are okay is someone who is morally bankrupt. Such a person has a worthless handshake. And the truth is this—do not expect such a person to honor a commitment. One cannot cheat on a spouse and then rationalize that such an act is okay and that just because some do, it is acceptable.
By Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz
America’s #1 Love and Marriage Experts
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