Fresno, which currently holds the title of fifth-largest city in California, has its share of places to go whether you’re a college student passing through for the weekend or a family four visiting a local relative. However, when planning a family outing or just figuring out where to spend the afternoon, there are definitely places to you can skip. Some of these places include:
1) Wild Water Adventure Park
Yes, the kids love it there. Yes, it’s a pretty cheap way to spend your afternoon. There are reasons to find something else to do, though. The kids, especially the young ones, will pee in the kiddie pools. The parents jobs at this fecund place is to carry monstrously heavy rafts that are bigger than they are up very steep hills for several minutes at a time, before standing in line for close to an hour just so the kids can slide down very long, very dark water slides that at times are a little hot from the sun in certain spots. Some of these slides are also so fast that it gets hard to breathe at the fastest turns. In addition, many families with young children are incapable of making their said youngest children stop screaming for hours at a time. Oftentimes, all the shady spots around the pools you can actually relax around are taken up by the aforementioned families. And, on top of all that, the food and drinks sold there aren’t much better than fair food. Don’t expect to eat there if you have any kind of food allergy or dietary restrictions.
2) The Island Water Park
The same reasons. All the local elementary and junior high schools have their end-of-the-year celebrations there for all their sixth graders and eighth graders, so for patrons who plan a family outing there any time during May and June, expect to be overrun with 12 and 14-year-olds, respectively.
3) Downtown Fresno
While this is the urban part of Fresno with old buildings built in the 20s, 30s and 40s, this is also the most confusing part of the city, and the most crime-ridden. Many of the Asian and Hispanic gangs that call Fresno home hang out the most downtown, and petty theft occurs all the time. Homelessness prevails here, as well. And because downtown is, for the most part, split between criminals and the wayward, any good samaritans and volunteers who would make the effort to clean up the city streets and pick up trash simply don’t. It’s too dangerous to do anything for those with hearts of gold.
4) The Big Fresno Fair
While this only happens for a week or two annually, the fairgrounds actually host events all year round. However, they are located in a horrendously inadequate part of town similar to Downtown Fresno, only worse. For those who identify themselves as the midwestern-I-love-state-fairs type, go for it. Those who have any taste at all already know where to go to avoid corndog types.
5) River Park (on weekend nights)
On Friday and Saturday nights, River Park, in northeast Fresno, is crawling with local junior high school students and young families with obnoxious little kids. No one under 20 is well-behaved on these nights, and they all congregate in front of Edward’s 21 Cinemas, Teazers, and Quirkworld. Besides, for all the over-21 folks who hang out a little further back in the park at Yardhouse, Mimi’s and either of the two Starbucks, you will never find parking. Ever. Even in you do, all the restaurants, bars and coffeeshops there will be packed and you will wait forever for a seat, to get your order taken, to get your drinks and food, and to pay your bill. FOR.EV.ER. However, River Park is actually quite nice on weekdays during the day (and the nights are especially peaceful. No Kastner kids).
Stay tuned this week for where to go for people who don’t like little kids, corndogs, poopy water and getting murdered.