If your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you, be very careful who you tell. It’s only natural to want to confide in someone, but telling the wrong person could be a major mistake that could backfire in several ways.
Here’s who you shouldn’t tell, and how things can backfire if you do.
Countless women have made the mistake of confiding in one of their girlfriends, only to find out that the girlfriend they confided in was the person with whom their husband or boyfriend was having the affair. If you’re tempted to tell one of your girlfriends that he’s cheating on you, make absolutely sure there’s no chance that she could be the “other woman” in his life.
A male friend
Confiding in a male friend that your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you could be counterproductive, and might further complicate matters. Some men will take advantage of you in your vulnerable state and that’s the last thing you need right now. If you feel you need a male perspective on the situation, confide in a male relative – your father, uncle, or brother. But before you do, read the next section about confiding in your family, then decide.
Telling your family that your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you could backfire in a major way. This is especially true if you decide to take him back and give him a second chance. You may forgive him, but your family may not. They may get angry with you for taking him back, or may harbor ill feelings towards him long after matters have been resolved. Another reason not to tell your family, is that an overly protective male relative (brother, uncle, or father) could cause your husband or boyfriend serious bodily harm.
You’re not likely to gain any sympathy if you tell your husband’s or boyfriend’s family that he’s cheating on you. His relatives they may accuse you of exaggerating, side with him, or even worse –blame you for the fact that he’s having an affair.
One of the cheater’s male friends
If you tell one of your husband’s or boyfriend’s male friends that he’s having an affair, his buddy might try to lie for him out of a misguided sense of male loyalty. If the friend you is having an affair of his own, he will have absolutely no sympathy for you and your situation. If he already knows that his friend is cheating on you, he might even coach your husband or boyfriend on how to better cover his tracks.
Who Is It Safe for You to Tell?
If you must tell someone that your husband is having an affair, confide in someone from the list below:
· therapist, marriage counselor or other trained professional
· a spiritual leader (minister, priest, rabbi, elder, or imam – depending on your faith)
· a trusted female friend who couldn’t possibly be his mistress
· another infidelity victim who has successfully dealt with her man’s affair
· a gay male friend
· a male authority figure whom your husband or boyfriend respects
· a total stranger
Your safest bet is to confide in your pet, if you have one. Your dog or cat will listen attentively, without trying to tell you what to do. And best of all, your secret will be safe. You won’t have to worry about them gossiping behind your back or discussing your personal business with someone else.
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For more practical, immediately-usable advice from an infidelity expert who has been researching infidelity for almost 20 years, visit www.NationalInfidelity.com
*** © copyright 2013 Ruth Houston / All Rights Reserved.
Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on high profile infidelity and popular infidelity issues in the news. She is the founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com, the author of Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs, and publishes the Infidelity News and Views blog. Ruth also writes the Celebrity Infidelity column (www.CelebrityInfidelity.com) and the National Infidelity column (www.NationalInfidelity.com) for usedview.com. To interview infidelity expert Ruth Houston, or have Ruth speak at your next event, call 718 592-6029 or e-mail InfidelityExpert@gmail.com