Miranda Lambert says it best in her hit song “Baggage Claim.” “Dragging around his sensitive ego” is a mild way of putting it, but he’s definitely “got a lot of luggage-damaging, deal breaking, psychological issues-in his name.” It’s not up to you to make his issues with the opposite sex go away, in fact you just plain can’t.
Trust, self-deceit and self-sabotage
It’s like an addiction. The chaotic emotions and its consequences will leave their marks all over you, and all they can see is it’s “your fault,” they are absolutely blind to their own behavior.
Some counseling yes, but most of it stems from unresolved issues and patterns of what he saw as a boy growing up under his parents rule. It’s embedded in them and they pass it on to their offspring, with the same passion the parents did. Look out. What the parents mirrored back to him, blame and game, will be all over the yard and you. The scorn will eventually lead you to blowing your stack if you don’t’ draw the line, and tell him to keep it all “to the left, to the left.” You are going to “Six Flags Amusement Park,” for the worst ride of your life.
You know you are dating the “walking wounded” if:
He’s mad as hell at women. His mother took too much crap off his father and didn’t protect him. His father treated his mother like a dirty dog.
1. He’s an emotional roller coaster, One minute you are his goddess on a pedestal and the next minute you are the devil-on-a-stick, he won’t even talk to you. His emotions run hot and icy cold with no inbetween.
2. Stalling and evading, It’s two steps forward and three giant steps backwards, a vicious cycle rinse lather, repeat. Unresolved arguments and plans are the name of the game. Disappearing? Call him Houdini, and more than likely there are other women in on his little black book. Then poof! They come in bearing gifts as if nothing ever happened and you should not be mad or asking questions, or anything but happy to see them.
3. He thinks everything he wants is everything he needs, The urge to be with you, yes, yes. The stability and groundedness to keep it going, no, never. He over reacts emotionally, it’s not you doll, it’s his backup plan to make his quick escape should he need to, or he gets’ what he thinks is a better offer.
4. I love you if.., I love you but.., They dive into the relationship head first, and want you to promise your undying love to them. You must jump through one hoop after another to win his love and it’s never enough. Then he’ll start treating you like crap as soon as you admit commitment or move in. Then the cheating starts, or so you think, it’s been going on long before you said, “I do or I will.”
5. He’s angry at women, he’s a jagged-edged, ball busting bastard that will stab you in the back while he’s looking at you. He looks at woman as objects, he doesn’t have one good thing to say about a single one, “they are crazy, wrong, good for only one thing, on their period, cheating,” except during the “honeymoon phase” when he’s trying to win you over. He will most likely blame you for everything. Someone hurt him badly, see the introduction to this list.
6. He has a history of abuse, mental, physical and/or emotional. They are a wad of in inner conflict and pain. Professional help is the only help that matters “cause it ain’t your problem now, so come and get it.”
Is there hope
If you saw your best girlfriend in a relationship with a man like this what would you tell her? Run like the wind, bury it, and bury the shovel with it. If you are into abuse and have zero self-esteem, he’s the man.
Even as friends and co-workers, the excess baggage will eventually come swinging and hit you square in the face in the form of anger, sarcasm and hate. They are merciless, and will test you constantly pushing any boundaries you have set and stepping all over them. There is nothing healthy about being in a relationship like this. If you have zero self-esteem a relationship like this one will put you in the negative numbers. Pass this on, print it and put it one the bathroom mirror in the girls or women’s restroom.